Atlanta, GA – Reports first made on social media have corroborated that the devil went down to Georgia looking for some souls to steal late Friday night where he was quickly taken into custody by ICE officials. Several eyewitnesses stated the Dark Prince was in a bind because he was behind. As a result, he was looking to make a deal. That deal never came about because of his arrest.
According to a post on X (formerly Twitter) attributed to the Father of Lies at 12:41 local time “Atlanta, I am in you! Anywhere know a place where your boy can barter for a soul double quick?”
The thread was still visible at press time. It details a conversation between the Devil and a young man who was sawin’ on a fiddle and playin’ it hot. If the information is accurate, the Devil jumped up on a hickory stump near Inman Park. His last post simply said “Boy, let me tell you what.”
It is unknown if Lucifer continued this conversation in person or not. Witnesses, too far away to hear the details, claim the young man with the fiddle drew a gun. At least a half dozen ICE officers then swarmed the scene from a pair of nearby vans.
Calls to the Atlanta ICE field office went unanswered but early this morning an official made a statement that Mephistopheles, along with fourteen others taken into custody during an Atlanta operation, will be sent to Guantanamo as soon as the new immigrant holding facility has been completed and ready. In the meantime it is unclear where Satan is being held.
Mammon, the head of the Devil’s PR team, said that a mistake had obviously been made. Satan has long supported ICE and, of course, voted several times for Donald Trump in the previous election.
The Devil’s lawyer only offered a brief statement saying the arrest and detainment are unconstitutional as everyone knows Satan is, was, and always will be American.
Jesus Christ is King
