WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move praised by conservative gamers, Trump has signed a new executive order that all female video game characters must be hot now.
“We’re going to bring back the babes,” said Trump as he signed the order in the presence of a giggling Elon Musk. “The hot ones, the hot ones, who doesn’t like the hot ones? Am I right folks?”
The executive order comes as a response to the recent perception that video game studios were sacrificing verisimilitude, good storytelling, and smooth gameplay on the altar of diversity, equity, and inclusion, which almost always meant excluding beautiful scantily-clad female characters that gamers have come to expect.
Conservative gamers applauded the President for his bold action in going after DEI and wokeness in the video game industry.
“I was just getting so sick of all these woke, ugly, androgynous-adjacent female characters,” said one gamer, Bart Ogleby. “They forgot that the secret to what made older video games so good was that all the women were, like, super hot and stuff .”
“We need to just take the culture back to what it was fifty years ago when men objectified women. Then America’s video games and other civil institutions will be great again.”
At publishing time, the nation’s conservative men were asking Trump to keep rooting out DEI by bailing out the Hooters restaurant chain.
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