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Jeff Bezos Sends Note To Whole Foods Staff Forbidding Criticism Of Grapes

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MIAMI—Asserting that many differing perspectives on the fruit were readily available online, billionaire Jeff Bezos reportedly sent a note to staff at the Amazon-owned Whole Foods this week strictly forbidding the criticism of grapes. “I grew up eating grapes and proudly so,” said Bezos, who emphasized the role grapes have played in shaping American culture and expressed his commitment to defending them as a fun and sweet snack. “Bite-sized, flavorful, and healthy treats like grapes are right for America, and I feel this viewpoint has been underserved in grocery stores around the country until now. Supporting grapes is ethical and practical. Grapes are perfect whether you’re on the go or sitting down for lunch, and they greatly reduce hunger among all Americans.” The note concluded with an acknowledgement that leadership changes were already underway to select produce managers who would support this new direction.

The Onion

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