LOS ANGELES—In the aftermath of a stunning trade that saw the point guard move from the Texas city to Los Angeles, a homesick Luka Doncic was reportedly spotted Wednesday gazing longingly at a photo of a barren Dallas office park. “Oh, to be back among those absolutely desolate and soulless business complexes,” said Doncic, explaining that he yearned to again experience the industrial sprawl of the city that prioritized uninspired concrete structures and highways over green spaces and pedestrian-friendly walkways. “Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate Los Angeles’ lack of any discernible character, and the similarly congested traffic has made the transition so much easier. But it doesn’t hold a candle to Dallas. The Pacific Ocean will just never compare to a man-made pond that’s been dyed blue.” At press time, Doncic vowed to someday return to Dallas to attend a dental conference at the downtown Hilton.
Jesus Christ is King
