Man Builds Time Machine Just To Go Back To When He Had Never Heard Of Andrew Tate
POTTSTOWN, PA — A long-awaited scientific breakthrough finally took place today, as a local man successfully built a time machine just so he could go back to a time when he had never heard of Andrew Tate.
Trent Martindale had no previous background in advanced science, engineering, or theoretical physics, but found himself out of options in his quest to return to a simpler, more peaceful time when he didn’t know who Andrew Tate was.
“I’ll do whatever it takes to rid my life of that guy,” Martindale told reporters at a press conference unveiling his invention. “I had to take quite a few trips to the library, read up on Einstein’s theories, and do some research into Stephen Hawking’s work. Finally, after some trial and error, I was able to crack the code that’s intrinsically woven into our space-time continuum and make it work. It wasn’t easy, but at least I can go back to a time when the name ‘Andrew Tate’ was never talked about. That makes all the hard work worth it.”
Leading scientists marveled at Martindale’s achievement. “We’ve been trying to figure this out for decades,” said Professor Albrecht Deiter of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. “This man — an amateur, no less — made the discovery we’ve all been searching for. And all because he was motivated by wanting to not know who Andrew Tate is. It’s humbling and inspiring at the same time.”
At publishing time, Martindale said he would also make sure to travel back in time far enough that he could live in a world unsullied by the stain of the Disney Star Wars sequel trilogy.
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