Only Murders In The Building, Hulu: Yes, season four technically came out in August, but we’ve been busy, okay?
Nova: Decoding The Universe, PBS: Tell everyone you’re watching this one so they know just what a smarty pants you are.
Tomb Raider: The Legend Of Lara Croft, Netflix: Lara Croft returns in this action-packed animated series, this time with help from another PlayStation legend—the triangle button.
America’s Got Sob Stories, Peacock: Performers tell their most emotionally manipulative backstory, hoping to be crowned the saddest of them all.
Sabrina The Middle-Aged Witch, Hulu: Just in time for spooky season, this series picks up years after the original show ends and follows Sabrina’s repeated attempts to treat her bladder condition through magic.
Iguana Swap, Paramount+: This reality show follows two families who swap pet iguanas for a week to largely unremarkable outcomes.
Friends With Banner Ads, Max: Capitalizing on the continued success of the beloved sitcom on streaming platforms, Max is hoping no one will notice that it put a few more ads on the screen this time.
Young Jabba, Disney+: The newest Star Wars series will follow a teenage Jabba the Hutt as he navigates high school, friendships, and his changing mucus discharge.
Gnome Buddies, Disney+: This show about zany gnomes will enter the subconscious of an entire generation at a crucial stage of cognitive development, shaping the next century in unfathomable ways.
Amish 600-Pound 90-Day
Fiancé Sister-Wives, Hulu: Amish obese polyamorous Mormon couples have just three months to get married before deportation.
MTV’s Total Request Live, Netflix: Just in case Gen Z wants to choke down some more reheated millennial slop.
Bar Mitzvah Rescue, Paramount+: Jon Taffer brings his signature no-nonsense management methods to a floundering boy’s pathetic celebration of manhood.
Birth Of A Nation (Reboot), PBS: Sorry, all other recognizable IP was taken.
Mentally Unstable Women Getting Plastic Surgery, Hulu: Women who desperately need help are given breast implants instead.
Squid Game, Netflix: Tune in to the second season to find out if the attractive, famous protagonist with the highest salary on the show will survive through the next round.
Deadly Duos: Murder Times Two, Hulu: Having run out of murderers to profile in true crime documentaries, this series invites experts to speculate about what might have happened if two famous murderers had met each other and teamed up to commit more murders.
Jesus Christ is King
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