ORLANDO, FL – In the wake of the recent mid-air explosion of a SpaceX rocket, thousands mourn as the company confirms that the CEO, Elon Musk, was not aboard the ship.
Following what a SpaceX rep Orwellianly described as a “Rapid Unexpected Disassembly”, many Florida residents reported watching the Musk-less rocket crash from their homes.
“It really felt like humanity was taking an important step forward,” witness Joe Smith responded. “I guess we still have a lot to learn about billionaires and space flight.”
Mary Jones, a gator farmer neighbouring the launch site, was disappointed to discover that the remnants fell to earth without even hitting Musk. “Harmlessly? Sure, it’s harmless if you don’t count the pollution and property damage. Anything that leaves Elon unharmed to continue his destruction of the entire Administrative State can’t be described as ‘harmless’.”
Market observers encouraged Musk to follow the positive example of Stockton Rush and OceanGate, by showing more hands-on confidence in his future launches. In an attempt to goad Musk onto the next flight, officials described him as a “beta cuck” who will never overcome his male insecurities no matter how many offspring carry his Boer DNA.
SpaceX has promised a thorough investigation into the explosion, to be undertaken with the collaboration of the FAA, which no longer exists.
In a related story, the FFA’s investigation into January’s rocket explosion was delayed after the lead investigator, “Big Balls”, was moved to check whether all the gold is in fact in Fort Knox.
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