Noom Weight Loss Quiz Guarantees Personalized Insults Tailored To Users’ Insecurities
NEW YORK—In a continued effort to harness the power of psychology to help customers achieve their fitness goals, Noom announced Monday that the company’s weight loss quiz now guarantees personalized insults tailored to users’ insecurities. “There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to getting healthy, which is why the Noom team is proud to provide specific and detailed put-downs that will hit users directly where they are most vulnerable,” said CEO Geoff Cook, telling reporters that while generic taunts such as “tubby” or “lardo” could provide a small amount of motivation, they were nowhere near as effective as individualized jabs about the unsightliness of a user’s specific body parts generated by Noom’s proprietary algorithm. “Simply download the app and begin answering questions about your body type and exercise habits, and in a matter of minutes, Noom will be able to identify that, say, everyone is laughing at you behind your back because of the way your arm flab jiggles, or that your pathetic, untoned stomach would probably make any potential lovers throw up on sight.” Cook added that users of the app can also track their eating habits by inputting food they have consumed into the Noom calorie counter while it loudly oinks.
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