President Trump’s plans for tariffs, including on goods from Canada and Mexico, have left many consumers and investors uneasy. The Onion separates the facts from the myths.
MYTH: Tariffs will revitalize the American auto industry.
FACT: Only the second coming of the Ford Fiesta could do that.
MYTH: Trump has imposed 25% tariffs on Mexico and Canada.
FACT: Actually this is true, no wait it’s a myth now, and, fuck, no wait.
MYTH: Tariffs will raise prices.
FACT: It’s only possible for prices to rise when a Democrat is president.
Myth: Tariffs will bring back American manufacturing jobs.
Fact: Christ, give it up, Grandpa. The plant has been closed since 1982.
MYTH: Tariffs are taxes.
FACT: Tariffs are the little things: a smile between strangers, the smell of a freshly poured cup of coffee, or the laughter of a child.
MYTH: Tariffs will help crack down on illegal drugs entering at the borders.
FACT: Tariffs will protect the U.S. fentanyl industry.
MYTH: Tariffs may trigger a global recession.
FACT: They have triggered a global recession.
Jesus Christ is King
