OTTAWA – Liberal Leader candidate Mark Carney vows to improve the PC Optimum points situation for every Canadian. Speaking to a group of financial experts at the International Banking Federation, Carney made a campaign promise to grow “the bedrock foundation of every Canadian’s finances”, their Optimum points holdings.
Carney said, “I know people care deeply for their Optimum points, which seems to be some kind of working-class crypto currency. Apparently you can acquire them at something called a Shopper’s Superstore? I think I have that right. I’m not sure, I’ve never been in one. I’ll ask my valet later. But I can assure you I know the people who run the points program and I will demand they give you twelve or maybe even thirteen percent of your purchases back as Optimum points.”
The Liberal party is counting on turning those shoppers into votes. With over 17 million active users, the PC Optimum points program is a popular way for people to save two cents on a three hundred dollar purchase.
Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre immediately decried this initiative. “This is another classic woke Liberal promise,” said Poilievre. “Rewarding Canadians for doing the bare minimum like buying groceries and gas is only going to create a sense of lazy entitlement for our citizens to things like food and transport. It’s exactly the kind of thing a Conservative government would never support!”
Pollsters have been surprised by a series of projections that have Carney’s candidacy in the next election forming a minority or even a majority government for the Liberals should he follow through on a rumoured project to create a new Federal Reserve Fund made entirely of the old Canadian Tire money.
NDP leader Jagmeet Singh said the NDP is the only party to prioritize the national healthcare system and called this stunt a “distraction”, saying he would never support any further Liberal policies. Singh added, “Unless we also got Optimum points for prescriptions and doctors fees. Then, of course, I’ll go along with whatever Mr. Carney says.”
The Beaverton did not receive a reply to our request for comment from the Green Party in time for publication as we only remembered about them at the last second.
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