WASHINGTON—Slumping back in their chairs and whining at the sight of intravenous lines in their bruised arms, a pale Eric Trump and Donald Trump Jr. reportedly asked their Uncle Elon on Friday when they could stop giving him blood. “We’re tired, Uncle Elon—tired and hungry,” said Eric, the younger of the Trump boys, who began to pick at the medical tape adhering the needle to his skin, only to have a DOGE aide to slap at his hand. “You said we could drink Gatorade and watch Harley Quinn on the iPad, but now we’re too dizzy to pay attention. When is the blood harvesting going to be over? Uncle Elon, we don’t even have any more bloods [sic] left to give.” At press time, reports confirmed the Trump boys were left covered in blood after their Uncle Elon popped.
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