AUSTIN, TX — Stock in Tesla dropped this week following the announcement of a new vehicle named The Fuhrer, an advanced CyberTruck model featuring improved handling, a larger battery capacity for driving further between charges, and improved front sensors masked by what appears to be a stylish mustache.
Supporters are concerned that the vehicle, available for pre-sale now, is coming at a terrible time for the company when Tesla CEO Elon Musk is already being accused by some on Reddit of being “literally Hitler.” This, on top of his recent rise within the United States government, has investors worried.
Musk claims the new and improved CyberTruck is designed to celebrate the raw power of Germany’s infrastructure growth leading up to World War II, and not Hitler’s crimes against humanity. “Hitler was an evil man, but his innovations in public infrastructure facilitated the rapid growth of the German war machine in a highly efficient blitzkrieg of Europe,” Musk said. “That’s what I want people to think of with ‘The Fuhrer,’ not… anything else.”
Activists are already taking to the streets to protest the new Tesla. “Trump is literally Hitler, Elon is literally Hitler, and now the Cybertruck is literally Hitler,” said one pro-Palestine protestor wearing a Keffiyeh and a “Kill the Jews for Palestine” t-shirt. “It’s too much Hitler. We can’t take it anymore. Elon must be eliminated.”
At publishing time, activists had calmed down after Elon’s announcement of another new Cybertruck model called “The Stalin.”
Babylon Bee subscriber Ben Mereness contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!
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