Poilievre’s broken slogan generator to blame as he vows to “Dink the Rink” and “Slime the Grime”
Lethbridge, AB – Conservative party leader, Pierre Poilievre, spoke to a mystified crowd of supporters as he promised to go to Ottawa and “Dink the Rink” while standing in front of a banner emblazoned with maple leaves that read “Slime the Grime”. The CPC later explained that their slogan generator may need to undergo some emergency maintenance.
Poilievre said, “We cannot let the Liberal woke agenda return to haunt Canadian politics. I am the only politician with the guts to promise that I will Dink the Rink. I can tell you now that Carbon Tax Carney won’t dare say it. All he has are slogans and nicknames but this Conservative is going to Dink the Rink.”
Poilievre led the somewhat confused crowd in a chant of “Dink the Rink”, despite former PM Justin Trudeau’s resignation and PM designate Mark Carney’s axing of the consumer carbon tax.
A reporter, who appeared to be Poilievre’s wife, Anaida Poilievre, wearing a pair of Groucho glasses and a top hat, stood on the stage pointing at the banner and asked him, genuinely, why he wanted to Grime the Slime.
“That’s a question the state media CBC would never ask,” replied Poilievre. “So thank you for asking it, brave citizen journalist. The Slime has gotten out of hand in our corrupted Parliament. And the Grime, well, we know about the Grime, don’t we? The Grime is what has broken Canada. It’s about time to Grime the Slime!”
After a tepid response from the crowd, Poilievre consulted his notes and asked them to “Charge the Barge” which caused several attendees to wander away.
Conservative party strategist and consultant, Jenni Byrne, later explained that their slogan generator has been sent in to be repaired.
Byrne explained, “We have a heavily-modified Furby hooked up to a car battery and it’s probably just time to replace the battery so we can get new slogans for a new Canada.”
According to Byrne, other rejected slogans included “Slurp the Flerp” and “2 Legit 2 Quit”.
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