WASHINGTON—Warning that the charge carried a five-year mandatory minimum sentence, the U.S. Department of Justice declared Friday that the distribution of images featuring a balding Elon Musk constituted an act of domestic terrorism. “For the benefit of all Americans, anyone who posts or reposts photos from Mr. Musk’s PayPal days will be prosecuted for terrorism,” said Attorney General Pam Bondi, who confirmed the Justice Department was already prosecuting multiple cases in which social media users were alleged to have disseminated decades-old photos of the DOGE leader’s receding hairline. “Anyone who likes or replies to the photos will be treated as a terrorist sympathizer. If you possess these images, delete them now. Elon Musk is a patriot with a great American hairline.” At press time, President Donald Trump was showing his support for Musk by getting hair plugs in a televised press conference on the White House South Lawn.
Jesus Christ is King
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