Non-confrontational couple spends night saying “Whatever works for you” before quietly falling asleep
JASPER BC—According to sources close to the matter, primarily their quietly baffled cat, Muffins, Hannah Mitchell and Victor Chang successfully spent five straight hours on Friday date night refusing to impose any preference on each other and concluding every conversation with “whatever works for you,” before eventually drifting off to sleep without having made a single plan.
“I asked what we should do for dinner, and she said, ‘Whatever works for you,’” reported Chang. “I told her I was good with anything but really I wanted Swiss Chalet. We chatted back and forth trying to decide then just gave up when we realized the only thing still open was the convenience store on the corner.”
Despite the lack of a firm meal plan, the evening meandered forward into an aimless quest for shared entertainment. “I was so hungry. I just wished we got Swiss Chalet but I didn’t want to force him to eat something he didn’t really want. To distract from the hunger, Victor told me to pick a favourite movie but how was I supposed to know which one would also be his favourite.” Mitchell lamented, “Every trailer Netflix autoplayed we agreed that if it worked for the other person we’d watch it. Ultimately, the TV turned itself off due to inactivity.”
Sources, who is still just Muffins their cat, confirm that once the movie debate ended without a decision, the couple sighed in unison, and headed to bed. On the way, they paused at the fridge to each open the door, politely motioned for the other to go first, then closed it again without retrieving a single snack.
“They really can’t handle confrontation,” noted neighbour, Tracey Leighton, who overheard the evening’s muffled pleasantries through the thin apartment walls. “I heard one of them say ‘You pick’ at least 20 times. I considered banging on the wall just so someone would have a reason to yell, but that would only make them apologize to each other even more.”
By 11:30 p.m., the couple had reportedly settled into a bedtime routine of each insisting that the other take the best pillow. “She was telling me she was fine without it,” Chang said with a shrug, “and I’d already told her the same. So we just put it in the closet rather than risk offending each other.”
At press time, sources, aka Muffins, confirmed that the couple was still dozing peacefully, blissfully unaware that she’s scratching up the couch just to force them to see if they could agree on taking their relationship to the next level – a trip to IKEA.
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