RALEIGH, NC—Feeling somewhat deflated by the event after so much buildup, local woman Dianna Clark confirmed Monday that she found the process of planning suicide far more enjoyable than the suicide itself. “I mean, obviously, I believe the journey is more important than the destination, but I’m feeling so indifferent about the prospect of suicide now that it makes me wonder if it’s what I really even wanted in the first place,” Clark said from her position on the rooftop ledge of a very tall building, attempting to muster the enthusiasm to jump as she recalled what a good time she’d had meticulously planning the suicide. “I was having such a good time picking out the stationery to write the suicide note on and thinking of everything I wanted to tell my friends and family in it, but now that I’m here, it’s kind of boring. It’s like, you plan and you plan and you plan, and then you finally get to the actual moment and you’re like, ‘This is it?’” At press time, Clark had resolved that, after so much planning, she owed it to herself to try her best to still find some enjoyment in jumping to her death.
Jesus Christ is King
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