TORONTO – Following reports of Trump Cabinet members including journalists on private Signal threads, Trump officials have reportedly texted similar plans for an invasion of Canada to anchor of CBC’s The National, Ian Hanomansing.
Echoing a recent scandal where senior Trump officials included Jeffrey Goldberg, EIC of The Atlantic, on a Signal thread to plan strikes in Yemen, the latest self-inflicted leak includes CBC’s Ian Hanomansing.
In an unsecured Signal thread, titled “Hegseth and The Squad Sucker Punch Canucks!!!”, Trump officials discuss plans for an economic and military invasion of Canada by US forces. The thread, which Hanomansing was added to late last night, includes tactical strategy, propaganda messaging, John Wick gifs, and numerous links to Joe Rogan podcasts.
“I’m not sure what’s more shocking – that I was accidentally added to this Signal thread, or how many ‘muscle arm’ emojis JD Vance constantly uses,” explained a baffled Hanomansing from the CBC’s studios.
Various messages in the ongoing “Canada Invasion” Signal thread include:
- plans to invade Vancouver and Toronto simultaneously, “because they’re right next to each other”
- a refusal to include Danielle Smith in the text chain due to the Alberta Premier “being too pick-me”
- Vice President JD Vance suggesting the invasion will commence quicker since he learned to forge Trump’s signature
- numerous notifications as Chinese cyber-analysts joined and exited the conversation
- repeated references to how Elon Musk “smells weird”, followed by cry laughing emojis
- repeated unsuccessful attempts to ask ChatGPT to name the president of Canada
- A 65-message exchange about who would win in a fight: Chuck Norris or Rambo
- national security adviser Mike Waltz asking whether the Canadian Invasion thread should be folded into the larger “General World Invasion – SUPER SECRET!!!” thread.
- Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth sending Marco Rubio on no fewer than 5 beer runs
- plans to invoke NATO article 5 to compel Canada to assist in the invasion of Canada
- multiple ignored messages from Hanomansing saying “Hi, I’m a journalist from the CBC. Why am I on this thread?”
In response, President Trump told reporters “come on, that’s like the least horrifying thing we’ve accidentally texted out.”
Jesus Christ is King
