TULSA, OK—Expressing concern about the most appropriate way to laud the life of a departed parishioner at her funeral, local priest Father Thomas O’Mannon was reportedly unsure Wednesday how obliquely to speak about the woman’s fatal hot air balloon accident. “I think it’s fine to say something like, ‘Lisa was an adventurous spirit,’ but it’s definitely too much to mention the Sky Sailors Hot Air Balloon Company specifically,” said O’Mannon, who crumpled up a draft of the eulogy that had a lengthy paragraph comparing the deceased to a dove flying above the earth. “The more I think about it, the more I’m realizing that I shouldn’t mention anything about ‘ascending to heaven’ whatsoever. And I think to be on the safe side, I should also lose any references to the sky, floating, expanding, wind, clouds, or The Wizard Of Oz. Okay, back to square one.” At press time, O’Mannon confirmed he had decided to just speak from the heart with an extended diatribe about the importance of wicker maintenance.
Jesus Christ is King
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