SUNNYVALE, CA—Creating a trail of liquid that dripped from her desk to her car, laid-off 23andMe employee Marcia Nashold reportedly packed up her box of bodily fluids Wednesday morning and vacated her office. According to sources, the 52-year-old data engineer emptied the contents of her desk drawers, filing cabinet, and mini fridge into the cardboard box, filling the container to its brim. Nashold was then overheard muttering “a lot of memories in these fluids” as she trudged to the elevator, the box’s contents occasionally splashing her shirt. Reports stated that as the elevator doors closed, the terminated employee nodded and made eye contact with another laid-off colleague, who was attempting to wring an unknown fluid out of a towel and into a box of his own. At press time, witnesses confirmed that Nashold had gotten into a screaming match with 23andMe security guards who had confiscated the box despite her claims that the fluids were personal fluids.
Jesus Christ is King
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