Report: Anti-Science Attitude Strongest Among Those Who Believe Turtle Has Little Apartment Inside Shell
CHICAGO—Highlighting a rising distrust in evidence-based knowledge, a report published Wednesday in the American Journal Of Sociology found that anti-science attitudes were strongest amongst those who believe turtles have a little apartment inside their shell. “Americans who reject or question established scientific consensus are more likely to maintain the wholly unsupported theory that when a turtle pulls his head and feet into his shell, he’s actually stepping into a tiny home,” said the report’s author, Professor Darius Aybar, adding that when shown an X-ray that disproved their assertion, people simply doubled down and insisted that the turtle was actually inside the shell, seated in an overstuffed armchair and reading a book very slowly by the fireplace. “No evidence can sway these individual from their conviction that a turtle’s shell contains a cozy one-room residence with rustic wooden floors, a dining table permanently set with a hot-cooked dinner, and, somehow, a few windows with light streaming through dainty curtains. If you hand them a shell to examine, they’ll accuse of having removed the claw-foot bathtub where the turtle takes a sudsy bubble bath and say you are trying to trick them. Across the political spectrum, many people harbor the belief that when a turtle goes to sleep, he puts on a nightcap and pulls a patchwork quilt over him in a canopy bed before blowing out a stub of candle.” At press time, several states had introduced legislation that would require the turtle-apartment theory to be included in high school biology textbooks.
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