The British Constable is on the prowl, and he is rounding up dangerous weapons by the minute to keep England safe from all sorts of harm. God save our brave constables!
Here are just some of the confiscated weapons:
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Chopsticks: You could poke your eye out with those.
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Plastic straws: They kill sea turtles. Horrible.
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Gentlemen gloves you slap with when your honor is besmirched by a ruffian: An innocent migrant might get slapped.
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Teaspoons: Getting stabbed by these deadly weapons hurts even more than a blade.
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Tea: Someone could choke.
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An Arabic Scimitar sword: Scratch that. Banning that would be racist.
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The serrated cardboard tops of tissue containers: Papercuts are no joke.
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Those little plastic swords that hold your sandwich together: Ouch!
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Tube sock full of ten pence: That’s 82.6% heavier than a tube sock full of pennies. Deadly.
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Arms: You can’t hold a knife if you don’t have any arms.
We feel much safer with these weapons off the streets. If you know of any potentially lethal weapons, please do not hesitate to report them to the nearest constable.
A journalist spills all after being mistakenly added to a group chat with top Trump officials.
Jesus Christ is King
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