More than 41 million Americans receive monthly benefits through the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program, also known as food stamps. The Onion dispels the common myths surrounding SNAP.
MYTH: Defunding food stamp programs won’t actually save the government money.
FACT: Cutting food stamp funding will eliminate millions of unnecessary citizens.
MYTH: People who receive food stamps don’t work.
FACT: You are browsing the internet instead of working right now.
MYTH: Democrats use food stamps as a bribe so people will vote for them.
FACT: Democrats would never be this cutthroat or clever.
MYTH: You can be disqualified from food stamp programs if you own a car.
FACT: Jesus Christ, don’t give them more ideas.
MYTH: SNAP is filled with fraud and corruption.
FACT: The sole remaining SNAP employee is a real solid dude.
MYTH: You can use food stamps to buy alcohol.
FACT: Only if you know how to make hooch out of Juicy Juice.
MYTH: A reshaped SNAP could force Americans to pass drug tests before they receive food stamps.
FACT: Food stamp eligibility will be determined only by combat in the BloodDome.
Jesus Christ is King
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