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Gang Initiate Forced To Peacefully Deescalate Conflict To Prove He Not A Cop

LOS ANGELES—Faced with one final test before his admission to the criminal organization, gang initiate Hector Gunnerson was reportedly forced to peacefully deescalate a conflict Thursday to prove that he was not a cop. “I know Big Mike vouched for you, but before you can run with the Riverside Boys, we need to make sure you’re not an undercover,” said gang leader Butch ‘Mad Dog’ Tucker, who nodded for one of his men to start a verbal altercation with another gang member so that Gunnerson could either help amicably resolve the dispute or violently escalate it, depending on his instincts. “No pig’s got the emotional intelligence to talk this out so everybody walks away unharmed. You want to prove you’re not a badge, we need to see some serious empathy and rapport-building. Now! C’mon, take this gun and show us you have the restraint to not use it. Just remember: You put that guy in a chokehold for even one second, and it’s game over.” At press time, reports confirmed Officer Gunnerson had blown his cover after reaching over to turn off his body cam.

The Onion

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