MADISON, WI—Amid his political action committee’s campaign to influence a closely contested Wisconsin Supreme Court election, Elon Musk told reporters Friday that he was amazed by how much cheaper bribing voters was in the Midwest. “I knew there was a lower cost of bribing out here, but I didn’t expect to find this many votes for essentially nothing,” said Musk, wondering aloud why anybody would continue to buy elections in coastal states given what they could get for $2 million in parts of Wisconsin, Indiana, and Illinois. “It’s amazing how far your money goes in subverting democracy in this part of the country. Don’t get me wrong, Wisconsin can’t really compare to the amenities that a city like New York offers with its easy access to Eric Adams, but out here, I can push through three times as many measures favorable to my businesses as I could back in California. Plus, I have all this money left over to spend on indulgences like spreading pro-Russia propaganda and bolstering far-right candidates in Germany.” At press time, Musk reportedly daydreamed about buying a large, low-cost plot of land in rural Wisconsin where he could someday build his own dream government.
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