Jesus' Coming Back

What To Know About The Hallow Prayer App

Hallow, a Catholic prayer app, is observing Lent with a prayer challenge featuring celebrities like Mark Wahlberg, who is also an investor in the app. The Onion shares everything you need to know about Hallow. 

Q: Who is Hallow aimed at?

A: Lapsed Catholics seeking a closer connection with Mark Wahlberg.

Q: Is Hallow only for Catholics?

A: It’s for anyone who doesn’t mind spending their money on something they can do for free.

Q: Is it wrong to put God’s teachings behind a paywall?

A: Catholicism has a rich, beautiful history of taking people’s money. 

Q: Who is the app’s main competitor?

A: The Beelzebub curse app.

Q: Why would a loving God create yet another tech startup?

A: Do not question His ways, or His bottom line. 

Q: Why was Hallow banned in Europe?

A: The blood of Christ contains Red 40.

Q: Why was Hallow banned in China?

A: They really don’t like Mark Wahlberg over there.

The Onion

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