WASHINGTON—As part of a sweeping overhaul of the building’s plumbing system, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. reportedly ordered the removal of sinks Tuesday from all bathrooms in the Department of Health and Human Services headquarters. “People across the world lived for thousands of years without sinks, and they were just fine—healthier, even,” said Kennedy, who noted that the cuts would not only save taxpayers thousands of dollars in maintenance and water bills each year, but be better for the environment as well. “They never should have been installed in the first place. Numerous studies have shown that licking your hands clean can actually improve your immune system. Soap dispensers will remain, but only so you can drink from them.” At press time, sources reported that Kennedy had eliminated toilets and was urging staffers to dispose of their waste by simply throwing it out the window.
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