MISSISSAUGA, ON ― A local driver entered the history books today after being pulled over and ticketed for driving 6 km over the speed limit, despite being behind the wheel of a Toyota Corolla.
Kennedy Meadows, the police officer who wrote the ticket, was thrilled. “I just feel so privileged to be part of such a groundbreaking event. Although in the moment, I was honestly kind of just questioning myself. Kept thinking this can’t be right, you know? A Toyota, speeding? I verified the speed limit three times before setting off in pursuit.”
“Obviously, it was still really easy catching up once I did, though. I mean, in the end, it was still a Toyota, so the driver was nervous as all fuck and pulled over immediately. I think he was relieved to have an excuse to stop driving, really.”
“And frankly, if it had been any other make, I wouldn’t even have bothered, according to the tacit agreement in Ontario that tacks 10 km onto any speed limit. Is that unfair? Maybe. But this was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.”
The 41-year-old driver declined to be named, but agreed to provide a comment. “I’m not really sure whether I should be excited that I broke a record or embarrassed about how my speeding ticket became international news. I guess I’m leaning toward embarrassed, though. Now everybody knows I drive a Toyota. I’ll never live that down.”
The incident is already garnering intense interest in the academic community.
“The reason for the total inability of Toyota drivers to exceed, or often even meet the speed limit, has been a matter of intense debate for years,” said road design specialist Zain Ahmad. “Some say that the cars are so poorly designed that anyone would feel uncomfortable and sloppy driving one, and others claim that incredibly slow drivers just gravitate toward them.”
“We’ve had psychologists, anthropologists, physicists, engineers, mechanics, you name it, all working together to try to figure out this issue. You can imagine this is a terribly exciting case study for us, though it would admittedly have been more informative had the speed limit been a little higher than 30 km/h.”
Videos have been posted by students from a nearby middle school, all of whom could drive better than any licensed Ontarian Toyota driver provided they were in any other brand of car. However, many online are already alleging deepfakes, reasoning that no Toyota could ever do more than 20 km/h under the limit, never mind accomplish it while also staying within their own lane.
While all previously known incidents of speeding occurred exclusively in non-Toyota vehicles of a variety of makes, experts noted that the vast majority did result from the perpetrator attempting to pass seven cars packed bumper-to-bumper behind a Toyota, all at once.
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