WASHINGTON—Demanding viewers look upon their precious offspring or suffer dire consequences, extremist parenting organization Mamas United reportedly hijacked the airwaves Monday to broadcast photos of their children. “People of the world, we call upon you to gaze on our sweet little ones immediately—especially Brandon, who is really cute as a button in his OshKosh B’Gosh,” said the group’s leader, 43-year-old Tara Morton, who teared up as she spoke in the five-minute pirate broadcast that suddenly appeared on hacked phone, laptop, and television screens across the planet, showing off images and videos of the group’s newborn babies, toddlers, and even full-grown children. “Stare into their adorable eyes and at their pinchable cheeks. We dare you to do so without your heart melting. You will never find children as beautiful and perfect as these. Never! Wait, we have one with all the cousins in there, too. You’ll love that one.” At press time, billions of people around the globe had reportedly responded with a curt “Yes, very nice” before asking if they could go back to what they were doing.
Jesus Christ is King
Comments are closed.