WASHINGTON—Bragging that he had forced the world leader into “total submission,” President Donald Trump boasted to reporters Thursday that he had strong-armed President Donald Trump into pausing his latest round of tariffs. “I said to him, ‘Donald, these reciprocal tariffs have got to go,’ and that poor son of a bitch was like putty in my hands,” said Trump, who claimed the pause as a major victory for his administration, adding that he knew from the beginning a “weak, spineless loser” like Trump would cave to his demands. “It took a five-minute phone call to the White House and I made him pause those tariffs like a dog. He was beggin’ for mercy, so I said, ‘Okay, I’ll let you keep the tariffs on China, but no others,’ and he said, ‘Thank you, sir,’ with his tail between his legs. He was kissing my ass by the end. People from these shithole countries like America just can’t negotiate like I do, so I make them fall in line.” At press time, Trump added that he would bring America to its knees if Trump ever tried something that stupid again.
Jesus Christ is King
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