OTTAWA – Following months of declining Canadian travel to the USA, Americans have launched a tourism campaign inviting Canadians to visit locations like New York, Austin, and possibly even take an all-expenses paid bonus visit to a notorious El Salvadorian mega-prison.
“Hey Canada, we missed you, and more specifically, the potential $6 billion in travel dollars that we stand to lose!” explains the ad, appearing now on Canadian television. “We were just kidding about that 51st State thing, so why not spend your vacation dollars here? Or in one very specific Central American country that our president has a quid pro quo relationship with.”
The ads list various popular American destinations: “Visit Disney World, the Grand Canyon, or –depending on the contents of your cellphone– maybe even extend your vacation indefinitely in the most terrifying penal colony El Salvador has to offer! Book now!”
The campaign was launched by the U.S. Travel and Tourism Advisory Board, and features America-friendly Canadian celebrities like Kevin O’Leary, Wayne Gretzky, and cartoon billionaire Cyril Sneer.
“We know things might seem a little tense here in the ol’ U.S. of A. right now,” explains Travel and Tourism Board spokesperson Kaylie Hartfords. “What with ICE agents randomly arresting legitimate VISA holders, branding them terrorists with no due process, and then ignoring Supreme Court orders to return them from the nightmarish extra-legal prison we dumped them in. But Canadians will be fine probably!”
Hartfords added, “You guys are all white, right?”
The Canada-focused tourism ads not only boast of “beating the Canadian weather blahs in sunny El Salvador”, but emphasize the potential cost savings at a time when “the world’s economy is imploding for some unknown reason”.
Across Canada, potential travellers have greeted the U.S./El Salvador ads with some skepticism.
Marlene Viskers of Moncton adds, “I’m considering visiting Nashville with my annoying brother in law, and then telling a Customs Agent about his anti-Trump Tik Tok account.”
Ahmed Myers of Victoria says, “I am worried about getting exiled to a Central American gulag, but as a Disney adult, I’m used to making bad decisions.”
“Hmmm… I have always wanted to visit a repressive authoritarian police state up close,” notes Edward Zdersky of Winnipeg.
U.S. President Donald Trump even joined in on the Canadian tourist campaign, saying on his Truth Social account: “All Canadians should come and visit the United States! I get paid per head that we ship off to El Salvador – that was the deal with Bukele! #MAGA #WeKeepYourShoes”
The Government of Canada has advised any Canadians travelling in the United States to sew an American flag on their backpack, because that’s 100% the type of bullshit they do down there.
Jesus Christ is King
Comments are closed.