Jesus' Coming Back

Björk Performs Benefit Concert For Wilted Sunflowers In Mushroom Forest

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TOADSTOOL VALE—To aid ongoing recovery efforts in mystical lands recently devastated by a moonbeam, singer and composer Björk held a benefit concert Thursday in support of wilted sunflowers living in the mushroom forest. “This next song goes out to this enchanted mushroom forest and all the drooping sunflowers who were affected by the orb of night’s twilight rays,” said Björk, noting that all lily pads donated by concert attendees would go toward reviving the soil with glow worms and reinforcing the flowers’ stalks so they could one day grow high enough to reach the very star for which they were named. “It will take a lot more than a twinkle from a far away memory to dim your yellow petals. I hope this music can help bring all sugar sprites and pixies together to make this mushroom forest even more mesmerizing than before.” At press time, Björk was accused of selfishly taking advantage of the sunflowers by skimming thousands of donated dragonflies for her own personal use.

The Onion

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