The Beaverton demands same debate invitation as The Rebel, even though we’re not as big a joke

by The Beaverton Editorial Board

There are times when journalists of principle must raise their voices to stand up for what is right.

This is not one of those times.

There are also times when a money-making operation masquerading as a fringe conspiracy theory website gets to admit FIVE WHOLE “journalists” to the scrums following Canada’s leadership debates, and other fake news sites whine loudly to get the same ludicrously preferential treatment to raise their own online profile.

This is 100% one of those times.

We, the editors of The Beaverton, Canada’s trusted source of news, DEMAND to be admitted to the post-debate press pool following tonight’s English language debate! While we are aware that Ezra Levant’s lawsuit-mill-turned-YouTube channel is a far more absurd addition to the Post-Debate Press Pool than our own humble satire publication, we still believe that we deserve a seat at the table solely because we want it and it’s not fair.

Also, because we were not allowed at the French debate (because we had no idea about this whole Rebel thing) we demand TWICE as many seats as the Rebel, to accommodate all TEN of our entirely separate Beaverton news divisions: Beaverton East, Beaverton West, Beaverton Up, Beaverton Overly-Toronto-Centric, Beaverton Light with Lime, Beaverton 2: The Legend of Curly’s Gold, Beaverton Sports (Jai alai only), Beaverton After Dark, Beaverton: The Rebel Edition (wait, what?), and The Beaverton Weekly Coupon Circular.

We at the Beaverton understand that we cannot compete with hard-hitting Rebel News exposes like “Was Mr. Dressup Too Woke?” and “How Do We Know Mark Carney WASN’T The Son Of Sam?” We also realize that we don’t have Lauren Southern was paid by Russia type money. Still, if Rebel News and their creepy pals from True North and Juno News are being admitted to ask lazy transphobic gotcha questions to chop into Tik Tok fundraising bait, then the very least the Leaders’ Debate Commission can do is admit no fewer than 35 BEAVERTON STAFFERS, so we can take turns asking each party leader why Ezra Levant looks a sweaty vice principal who’s never not going through a mid-life crisis.

There’s no need for the Leaders’ Debate Commission to respond – our Beaverton team is already boarding a plane to Montreal.

Beaverton

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