VICTORIA, BC – A local man who has never once found a woman’s clitoris has really gotten into AI art.
“AI is the best,” claimed Shawn Owens, 29, as he played a video game created by real human beings against a background of music also created by real human beings. “I do absolutely nothing, and in return I get a terrible result with no understanding of basic human physiology that isn’t satisfying for anyone but me. Exactly how I like to have sex.”
In addition to not knowing where the clitoris is, Owens does not appear to currently know any women except for his mother and the AI girlfriend he asked ChatGPT for after being spurned by Santa Claus. According to Owens’ extremely active Twitter account, typing in a prompt to generate his fake girlfriend is what makes him an “AI artist”, similar to how microwaving pre-made food makes him a chef and experiencing any form of argument makes him marginalized.
“Dragging AI art is elitist, just like women choosing not to fuck me is elitist,” Owens insisted as he listened to a podcast by Jordan Peterson, another (alleged) work created by an (alleged) human being.
“Oh, and it’s ableist, too,” he added as he turned off the podcast to search for the AI-generated handicap sign he uses to steal handicap parking spots from people who are actually disabled. Owens went on to insist that he believes both ableism and elitism are in fact myths, “just like the clitoris.”
“Oh yeah, he has no idea where the clit is. But he definitely knows where my left flap is,” confirms Owens’ ex-girlfriend Sabrina Chalmers, shopping online for a pelvic ice pack. “AI also wastes so much water, but I guess Shawn makes up for that by never making a woman wet in his life.”
Asked about the environmental impact of AI images, Owens responded, “Oh, you think AI art is bad? Tell that to my AI girlfriend who somehow has too many and too few limbs!” Owens’ AI girlfriend, who he did not bother to name, was unavailable for comment as she was heading to the AI bathroom with an AI vibrator.
“Whatever. The female orgasm is a myth, too,” said Owens. “I asked ChatGPT for an image of female anatomy and it generated a hole with seventeen jugs. So don’t tell me I don’t know my stuff.”
When asked if, given his extolment of modern technology, he would consider using toys in the bedroom, Owens suffered an immediate brain aneurysm.
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