Five fake facts about Canada Proud which we can publish because Facebook loves misinformation
Misinformation and misleading content on Facebook and Instagram from conservative advertising group Canada Proud have skyrocketed in the wake of Meta banning Canadian news from its platforms. Lucky for us at The Beaverton, however, that means we can say whatever the hell we want about Canada Proud in return, because what’s Zuckerberg gonna do, fact check us? He’s too busy fellating Donald Trump (or maybe not! How can we know for sure?) to care.
And so, because Canada Proud just loves spreading fake news, here are five fake facts about them they’ll never be able to disprove.
1. Canada Proud loves hanging out with Ghislaine Maxwell!
Crazy, huh? They adore her! Chillin’ with G-Max is literally their favourite thing to do! Oh, you want evidence? Fuck your evidence! Who needs evidence when you can lie because Meta doesn’t care anymore? We’re currently working on photoshopping a picture of Jeffrey Epstein’s plane with a Canada Proud logo on it, and trust us, bro, when we’re done, it’s gonna look so obviously fake you’ll say, “Shouldn’t someone take this down?” And the answer will be “no”.
2. This election, Canada Proud endorses the NDP!
Wanna know how we know? Here’s an obviously-doctored photo of Canada Proud founder and former Harper employee Jeff Ballingall wearing a T-shirt that says “I Happy Pee When I Vote NDP!” You might not believe it, but your parents, aunts, uncles, and literally anyone else you know over the age of 55 will! Congrats on the newfound socialism, Canada Proud!
3. Canada Proud admins cry at The Notebook.
This fake fact isn’t political, but it IS hilarious. Aww, you think Facebook will care if it’s true? loooool
4. Canada Proud wants to be “Cucked by Mark Carney wearing nothing but a Mr. Monopoly hat.”
This election season all eyes are on Mark Carney, and all of Canada Proud’s sexual fantasies are about him stealing their women while dressed as the most famous banker of all time. Oh yeah, baby, Canada Proud just goes crazy for that former bank governor-turned-prime minister, and we overheard them say (we totally didn’t, but Instagram doesn’t give a shit) that they’re jonesing for a good, hard, monocled Carney cucking. No shame, Canada Proud! No shame.
5. Canada Proud is graciously funded by Justin Trudeau’s left testicle.
To prove it, we’ve made an obviously false but anatomically correct AI video and put a link to a “scientific study” that’s based out of Russia and written by a room full of monkeys in the comments section. No one on Facebook will notice the difference!
Jesus Christ is King
