Sad: This Guy Spent $500k On Ivy League Education And All He Knows How To Do Is Chant ‘Free Palestine’
CAMBRIDGE, MA — Local man Asher Grayson, who recently graduated from Harvard with a degree in neuroscience, confessed he feels woefully unprepared to join the workforce because the only thing he knows how to do is chant “Free Palestine!”
“I’m starting to think my $500,000 of student debt wasn’t worth it because I don’t know a thing about molecular neuroscience,” said Dr. Grayson, who finally earned his PhD in 2024. “Free Palestine!”
Grayson is just one of several students who feel they’ve been failed by Ivy League universities that spent more time training them to protest Israel than helping them learn about their fields of study. Graduates in mathematics, computer science, and even gender studies reportedly know next to nothing about how to apply their degrees to a career because they only know how to shout “Free Palestine!” over and over again.
History professor Benjamin Lance dismissed concerns that his students are unprepared for a career after taking his course. “I stand by the rigorous Harvard curriculum,” he said. “Maybe my students can’t get jobs because of the Jews. Did you ever think of that?”
The labor market is oversaturated with people who call for a free Palestine while accusing Israel of ethnic cleansing, says economic expert and labor analyst Heather Dove. “They don’t know how to hold even the simplest jobs because they only know how to say ‘free Palestine’ again and again,” she said. “The lucky ones can spin it into a catchy jingle, but most of them just say the same two words repeatedly around the clock.”
“It’s really sad.”
At publishing time, Asher Grayson had updated his CV to include that he also knows how to chant “globalize the intifada.”
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