U.S. — As audio clips of another round of oral arguments made their way across social media, results of a new poll revealed that support continued to grow for requiring Supreme Court justices to pass cognitive tests in order to serve.
Pollsters reported a sudden surge in support after people heard Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson meander her way through oral arguments while suggesting parents who don’t want their children exposed to pornographic literature to simply find other means to educate them.
“Any chance we could make sure Supreme Court justices have a modicum of intelligence?” asked one poll respondent. “Since the Supreme Court basically runs the entire country now, wouldn’t it make sense for us to have them pass some sort of basic cognitive test? I think that would be helpful.”
The research group in charge of the study said an overwhelming percentage of people polled were “strongly in favor” of filling the Supreme Court with justices who ” are not idiots” and “possess at least minimum intelligence.”
“A surprising number of people would like smart judges,” said lead researcher Dr. David Brantley. “The ability to read, perform rudimentary arithmetic, and form coherent sentences all ranked highly on the list of preferred qualifications for serving as one of the nine most powerful judges in the country. And, of course, knowing what a woman is. But that goes without saying.”
At publishing time, the research team had submitted a formal proposal to improve the Supreme Court’s ability to adjudicate by providing each justice with a Leapfrog Learning Tablet.
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