Struggling young voters choose between guy who will ignore cost of living and guy who will make every problem worse
OTTAWA – As the nation heads to the polls Gen Z and Millennial Canadians report having difficulty choosing between Mark Carney, who has promised to allow cost of living to continue to rise unchecked, and Pierre Poilievre, who has vowed to incentivize corporate landlords to purchase all available housing.
With many Canadians under 40 citing the rising costs of housing and other essentials as their primary voting issue, many report feeling torn between two candidates whose platforms will assuredly harm them in different but overlapping ways.
“This is a really tough choice,” explains Aaron Willkerson of Richmond Hill, Ontario, “kinda like when I have to choose between paying 60% of my income on rent, or buying food.”
While young Canadians entering the workforce in the wake of the 2008 financial crisis saw their earning power shrink compared to their parents’ generations, most polled seemed unsure which candidate could be trusted to decimate it even further.
Lisa Kirbly of Regina reports, “I could vote for the party who oversaw the last decade when I was priced out of home ownership, or I could take a chance on the party who promise to also price me out of grocery ownership.”
Kirbly added, “Hey, do you know any place that’s currently buying human hair?”
Across the country, young working Canadians appear uncertain about Carney’s proposal to continue the Liberal policy of asking the private sector to fix housing prices, and then hoping for the best. Still, others are wary about taking a chance on Poilievre’s bold plan to give everyone’s money to the private sector, and assume they’ll eventually give some of it back to us.
“Sure, Pierre Poilievre’s policy of reducing GST on all home sales basically amounts to a ‘buy 20 houses get 1 free’ giveaway, but that’s gonna come in real handy when I eventually become a multi-billion dollar REIT,” explained 36-year-old Martin Dzerkowicz of Dartmouth, NS. “Anyway, my 15 minute break is almost over, and I gotta get back to the Cinnabon.”
In Squamish, BC, Reza Bahman adds, “My parents were able to afford a house and three children all as a single income household, but Mark Carney has personally touched a lot of money in his career, and that means one day I might get to touch some money as well. I like that.”
Asked whether they believed Carney or Poilievre were the right leaders to stand up to US President Donald Trump, young Canadians overwhelmingly answered, “I’m very hungry”.
At press time NDP leader Jagmeet Singh has reportedly begun making plans to start campaigning.
Jesus Christ is King
