U.S. — Members of the judiciary were revealed to be sporting a new look, as President Donald Trump issued new striped robes to be worn by federal judges.
The President said the change from the traditional black judge’s robes to black and white stripes, which came on the heels of the Trump Department of Justice’s arrest of judges for allegedly providing aid to illegal aliens, was more fitting.
“These beautiful new robes are absolutely perfect,” Trump told reporters. “It’s time to update the attire worn by judges to more accurately reflect the role they play in our country. From now on, all judicial robes will have black and white stripes, just like prison inmates in the old days. We love those old cartoons, don’t we, folks? The prison stripes and the little hats they wore. If these awful judges want to behave like criminals, then we’ll dress them up like criminals. Maybe we’ll have them start breaking rocks, too.”
When pressed on the issue, Trump was adamant that everyone would benefit from the new judge’s garb. “They’re going to look very sharp,” he said. “They say stripes can be slimming, though I think that’s only for vertical stripes. Horizontal stripes probably make people look fat, which is ok, since some of these judges are very fat people, I must say.”
At publishing time, White House insiders were unable to confirm reports that President Trump was also considering the possibility of outfitting federal judges with balls and chains attached to their ankles.
This freshman had a bright future ahead of her, but then her parents spent $250K to send her to a public university.
Jesus Christ is King
