WASHINGTON—In a dramatic reversal of recent polls showing a decline in the president’s approval ratings during his first 100 days in office, new surveys confirmed Tuesday that President Donald Trump’s support was surging after he pointed a gun at all 340 million Americans. “Ever since Trump pulled out a loaded handgun and menacingly swept its muzzle across the entire American populace, he’s seen a massive bump in favorability on everything from his handling of the economy to his views on immigration,” said Gallup polling analyst Eric Waltman, adding that Trump’s numbers had seen a particularly sharp spike after he fired a shot into the air to show that “he means business.” “When it comes to policies that a majority of the public previously opposed—such as deportations without due process and widespread tariffs—Americans seem to have changed their minds once they found themselves staring down the barrel of a live firearm. These numbers are even higher than they were when he pulled a knife on the nation in his first term. Despite a rocky start, Trump’s new message of ‘I’ll shoot, I swear to God I’ll shoot’ seems to be winning over terrified, trembling citizens across the entire political spectrum.” At press time, Trump’s polling gains had reportedly evaporated after he fumbled the gun and blew the nation away.
Jesus Christ is King
