HONOLULU—Refusing to pull any punches in his appraisal of the shoddy workmanship, vacationing dad David Stayton reportedly had some choice words about his hotel bathroom’s caulking, family sources confirmed Tuesday. “Jeez Louise, looks like it was somebody’s first time taking the caulking gun for a spin,” said Stayton as he grimly surveyed the “disaster zone” in his suite’s bathroom, adding that a half-assed job like this was all but asking for trouble with black mold and dry rot down the line. “You can’t honestly look at this caulking and think it’s gonna be anywhere near effective enough at keeping out moisture. It couldn’t stand up to a light sneeze, let alone a hot, steamy shower. Oh c’mon, don’t tell me these bozos actually applied new caulk without fully removing the old stuff first! Unbelievable. Whatever they got paid for this job, it was too much. My expectations were low as soon as I saw the botch job they did on the tiles, but this caulking makes that grout work look like a goddamn masterpiece in comparison. Okay, you all go ahead down to the beach without me. I’ve got to call down to the front desk to see if they’ll knock a little off our room rate for this travesty.” At press time, Stayton was reportedly looking up the location of the nearest home improvement store so he could “show these amateurs how it’s done.”
Jesus Christ is King
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