WASHINGTON—Acknowledging that his tariff hikes could result in a frozen supply chain this holiday season, President Donald Trump claimed Friday that any toy shortages Americans experienced could be easily overcome by making the family’s servants dance for their children’s enjoyment. “Maybe instead of 30 dolls this Christmas, children play with the life-size human figurines they already have,” said the commander-in-chief, noting that when he and his siblings were growing up, they often kept themselves entertained with nothing more than a couple of old, beat-up chambermaids whom they berated into acting foolish for their amusement. “Why do children even need dolls when they can play dress-up with the undocumented help, make the day laborers kiss—whatever fun act of humiliation they can imagine. For generations, kids were perfectly content just demanding their housekeepers perform for them under threat of being fired. I guess it was a simpler time.” Trump went on to state that he had even set aside one of his favorite childhood maids for his grandchildren to debase.
Jesus Christ is King
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