TUCSON, AZ—Expressing concerns after she observed several of the telltale warning signs, fourth-grade teacher Patricia Cormac told reporters Wednesday that she could tell a student in her class with spiky hair and sunglasses came from a rad home. “When you’ve been in this profession as long as I have, little behavioral tics like skateboarding into school 10 minutes late or repeatedly hitting classmates with a thumbs-ups can be a red flag that a child is experiencing some totally sick behavior behind the scenes,” said Cormac, confirming that her suspicions began when she saw markings around her student’s arms and shoulders that were likely left by a badass temporary tattoo of a dinosaur. “At this point, it’s too early to say how severe the situation is. It could just be that the family is going through a pretty awesome period and things will settle back to normal, but it could be something larger. I remember we had a case a couple years ago where it turned out a student had nothing to eat at home but Mountain Dew Code Red and triple pepperoni pizzas with extra cheese.” Cormac added that in this case it was likely a social worker would eventually be called in to do a chillness check.
Jesus Christ is King
