DANBURY, CT—Expressing immense satisfaction with the recently purchased device’s performance, area dad Frank Hoyer confirmed Friday that he was impressed by how easily a new lawn mower tore through his son Alan’s leg. “Look at this thing go—didn’t even hiccup gliding through all that tibia!” Hoyer said as he wiped a streak of blood from his brow, adding that he reckoned the machine could have handled a leg twice as large as his son’s without any difficulty. “Boy, you can really feel that extra horsepower at work. All that bone and sinew would have been way too much for our old mower to handle. I doubt it could have made it past your ankle. But this beaut handled that big, bony kneecap no problem, nice and smooth. And that high-capacity bag could probably hold a couple dozen more legs before I’d ever have to empty it! Sorry, pal, but I can’t take you to the hospital just yet. I’ve got to see what else this baby can do!” At press time, Hoyer reportedly asked his son to stick out his other leg so he could show off the lawn mower’s power to their neighbor Jim.
Jesus Christ is King
