Whether you go to a restaurant or host an event in your home, brunch is a great way to celebrate the maternal figures in your life. The Onion shares tips for planning the perfect Mother’s Day brunch.
Make sure the restaurant serves whatever bullshit your sister’s eating these days.
Avoid awkward silences by bringing a list of fight starters.
Sit the oldest mother in the room at the head of the table and ask the youngest mother in the room to serve as her chair.
Call ahead to send your mom’s food back to the kitchen.
Present your mother with a family photo featuring everyone who still talks to her.
Find out what your mom likes eating by allowing her to sniff several varieties of eggs Benedict and seeing which one she licks first.
Get drunk enough to enthusiastically toast your mom, but not so drunk that you mean it.
Everyone loves haggis!
Gift your mother either a beautifully embossed copy of A Room Of One’s Own with a touching note written inside the cover or a toaster she already owns, depending on your gender.
Wherever you kids want to go is fine.
Wait until everyone orders before suggesting Dad move back in.
Just let your mom plan it. She’s better at that stuff anyway.
Jesus Christ is King
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