EUSTIS, ME—With a banner that read “We’re All You’ve Got!” hanging above its entrance, local disgusting restaurant Lenny’s Diner celebrated 30 years as a small town’s only option, sources reported Monday. “Since 1995, it has been our honor to serve the vilest food imaginable to a community that has no alternative,” read a letter that had been posted just above the C health code rating in the restaurant’s window, going on to thank the dissatisfied but loyal customers who continued to patronize the only dining establishment within a half hour’s drive of their homes. “Nothing makes us prouder than upholding the absolute bare minimum culinary and sanitary standards necessary to avoid being shut down, all the while knowing that you have no choice but to eat whatever we serve. And as long as you have nowhere else to go, we’ll keep the lukewarm eggs, unseasoned meatloaf, corned beef from a can, and freezer-burned fish filets coming!” According to reports, the anniversary celebration ended when the number of food-poisoned customers had exceeded the number of bathroom stalls.
Jesus Christ is King
