Announcement: The Babylon Bee Is Now A Full-Service Restaurant And All Our Writers Are Compensated Entirely With Tips
ANNOUNCEMENT: The Babylon Bee is no longer a satire website. After months of strategy meetings and lots of thinking really hard, we have decided to pivot to becoming a full-service restaurant empire. In light of this change, all our writers and other staffers will now be known as “waiters”, “busboys”, and “food-making guys,” and will be compensated entirely in “tips.”
This compensation plan, created without any kind of intent to avoid income taxes or otherwise skirt federal tax laws, is ultimately the best compensation structure for our employees. After lengthy discussion with our staffers, they expressed their desire to be compensated with tips rather than salaries or hourly wages, citing factors like being better motivated by tips and a sense of satisfaction when a customer tips them.
“This is a great shift for us,” said Babylon Bee CEO Seth Dillon. “My $1,500,000 salary? It’s now considered ‘tips’ from ‘diners’ at our ‘restaurant.’ Every subscriber who gives us money will be notified that they are ‘tipping’ their ‘waitstaff,’ for the ‘delicious meals’ we are serving them each and every day.”
“I’m gonna make so much money,” he added, off the record.
Brynnleigh is on a mission to stop America from becoming… well, America.
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