Report: Somewhere In Alternate Universe President Ron Paul Overseeing America’s Next Golden Age
WASHINGTON, D.C., EARTH 741 — Recently obtained reports indicated that, somewhere in a parallel universe, President of the United States Ron Paul was currently overseeing the dawn of America’s next golden age.
Astrophysicists working to open up a conduit to communicate with the alternate reality said that citizens of the America of Earth 741 said their country was entering its 3rd Golden Age since Paul was elected president in the 1988 of their timeline.
“No Fed, no taxes, no foreign wars — nothing that isn’t explicitly authorized by our Constitution,” President Paul was said to have told hordes of joyous Americans. “This year, we celebrate over 35 years since we ended the military-industrial complex, outlawed the Patriot Act, and ended all NSA surveillance. And the invisible hand has once again made our markets stronger than any year before. It’s happening!”
Citizens of the alternate version of America said they have led peaceful, happy, and blissful lives, with most not even having any understanding of the concept of a “War on Terror” or a “War on Drugs.”
“Just imagine — somewhere out there is probably some horrible alternate universe in which constitutional overreach resulted in an activist judiciary, a sprawling government bureaucracy, and a clown-filled, spendthrift Congress,” President Paul told his supporters. “I bet that universe would be so vulnerable to government by so-called ‘disinterested experts’ and career politicians. I’m just glad we’re not them.”
At publishing time, the citizens of America of Earth 741 had said a prayer in memory of their recently fallen comrades, America of Earth 322, which had elected Kamala Harris as president in 2024 of their timeline.
Brynnleigh is on a mission to stop America from becoming… well, America.
Jesus Christ is King
