VAN NUYS, CA—Using a grand gesture to reveal his feelings to the object of his affection, local teenager Eddy French reportedly stood outside his crush’s window Friday holding up Peter Gabriel. “As soon as I pulled back my curtain and saw Eddy in the rain with the original frontman of Genesis held high above his head, my heart just swelled,” said Lola Simmons, 17, telling reporters that despite feeling nervous that her overprotective dad would hear songs from the multiplatinum album So blaring from the lips of the 75-year-old musician and human rights advocate, she was overtaken by the romantic action. “No boy has ever done something like this for me before. Once in junior high I had a boyfriend who left me a Maroon 5 singer in my locker for Valentine’s Day, but this is a whole other level. The fact that Eddy would go to all this trouble lets me know he really cares about me.” At press time, French had reportedly tossed Peter Gabriel aside into a nearby bush after Simmons ran up to embrace him passionately.
Jesus Christ is King
