Ballad singer Ed Sheeran is known for his romantic and suggestive songs, but why does he look like that? This question has puzzled people for years.
Through extensive research, The Babylon Bee has assembled the following list of theories to solve this puzzling dilemma:
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He’s actually a long-lost Weasley brother: We can all see it, there’s Ron, Charlie, Fred, George, Percy… and little Ed.
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God knew other men wouldn’t stand a chance if he had good looks to go along with his singing voice: Things have to be at least somewhat fair.
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He attempted to attack Mace Windu with Force lightning: The Jedi master deflected it back at him, leaving him scarred and deformed.
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He asked a cosmetic surgeon to make him look like a cross between Prince Harry and Jack Black: A strange request, to be sure, but he got what he wanted.
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Every morning, he slides down from his lofted bed into a pit of Cheeto dust: While it’s unknown why he would do this, that doesn’t make it any less plausible.
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He looks just like what you’d expect a man named “Ed Sheeran” to look like: If he’d been named “Bruce Squarejaw,” his appearance wouldn’t fit at all.
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When you eat shepherd’s pie three times a day and live in a country where the sun shines twenty minutes per year, this is the result: No one should be surprised.
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He was bombarded by cosmic rays that altered his physical appearance but imbued him with fantastic musical powers: Just like what happened to Prince.
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He was grown in a petri dish in the record company’s genetics lab: It’s an imperfect process, but at least they got the sound they wanted.
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Only five British men per generation are allowed to be physically attractive: Rules are rules.
These are just theories, but they offer the most likely explanations. Why do you think Ed Sheeran looks like that? Present your theory in the comments below.
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