WATERLOO, ON – A local self-published “author”, Chaz Wolverton, 25, is extolling the brighter side of plagiarism engines like ChatGPT and Grok.
“I’ve always been jealous of the glory authors get,” explained Wolverton, assembling fresh Ikea bookcases to display his newly-published oeuvre. “Actual writing takes time away from surfing for deepfake porn. I just want books with my name on them to impress my friends. ChatGPT made that happen.”
Chaz is not alone. Machine learning engineers believe millions yearn to be creativity-adjacent.
“These people are entirely bereft of the basic skills necessary for creativity and they aren’t interested developing them,” said Victor Drolet, Spicy Autofill Evangelist. “A few could potentially string enough words together into something worth reading, but research shows they will never try.”
Egon Hunt, who teaches a $4000, eight-week online prompt engineering course, asserted that “authors” like Wolverton can fulfill dreams of passing as a real-enough writer to those who don’t read. “A creative vacuum like Chaz can manage to type in a few prompts, and then the LLM does all the rest.”
Drawing on pilfered data scraped, LLMs algorithmically assemble probabilistic strings of words resembling sentences, paragraphs, even entire novels. Literary quality has been described as “unreadable”, but experts are confident that quality won’t matter. Once LLM-created textbooks dominate, nobody will be able to tell that outputs are slop.
Accusations that LLMs combine greed with sloth are “narrow-minded”, assert experts. With the right prompts, they insist LLM’s can deliver far more comprehensive moral transgressions.
“In addition to the classical seven deadly sins,” adds Drolet, “LLMs even generate entirely new deadly sins such as grath, hoth, and lurm!”
Asked if he was concerned about the low quality of the LLM-generated prose, or that his books bear derivative titles like Chaz Wolverton’s Moby Dick, Chaz Wolverton’s The Great Gatsby, and Chaz Wolverton’s Twenty Shades of Gray, Wolverton demurred. “Siri loved it. So did Alexa, ELIZA, HAL 9000, and DeepSeek. Skynet said my books justified its existence. If I can’t trust my best and only friends, who can I trust?”
Wolverton does have one complaint. “Why do I have to provide prompts? Can’t ChatGPT be fully automatic?”
Experts assure us they are working on it.
Jesus Christ is King
